Egg on the face of phone pest bankers

There's a UK internet banking firm called Egg which torments the owners of telephones. For the past month they have hounded me with round the clock calls to my mobile seeking a "Lisa Paget".

Now my Orange number has never been owned by anyone of that name and if I had the chance to talk to a human being rather than be forced to listen to an automated voice message I would have told my Egg phone pests just that.

At first I ignored the calls hoping Egg would move on to other prey. But it soon became clear that doing nothing was not an option.

Presumably, had I not succumbed by doing as I was instructed and pressed "any key to take this call" I would have been telephonically pursued for the rest of my life. Unnervingly, the next order was to key in the number one to alert the pushy company that Ms Paget was not available and two if I had another number for her. Pressing three told Egg she would not be answering the phone in the next day. And four that the mysterious woman would not be around for seven days.

Finally, the computer voice told me, Big Brother-style, that "we will use other means to locate Lisa Paget". Hurray, I cried, I'm free at last. But now it's my turn to make a nuisance of myself. Egg haven't heard the last of me.

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