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Members of noSWeat college in Clerkenwell were shocked tonight at a graduation ceremony when a tutor, upon congratulating his pupils, took it upon himself to kiss the boys as well as the girls.

The recipient of the unexpected move held his ground in true British fashion, showing neither surprise nor alarm. This, of course, is the British way: if something is happening that does not seem quite right, just keep a stiff upper lip and wait until it goes away.

The tutor, who cannot be named for legal reasons - though he is very important in the world of The Latest, and his name is nearly an anagram of the words, Dark Moth Swam - said that he believed in "equal opportunities" and that the thought of his male pupils feeling "left out" had led him to the seemingly drastic action.

Aside from this, the night progressed in the usual way, although current male students of the college did express a certain concern. One added that he plans to "avoid graduation" unless he can wear well full body armour and a fish-tank on his head. Minus the fish.

In the words of the nursery rhyme:

                         Andy Pandy, pudding and pie

                         Kissed the girls and made them cry

                         When the boys came out to play

                         He kissed them too

                         He's funny that way

At least three sentences of this blog are true. Three sources were used, naturally, though they were entirely unreliable, no attempt to corroborate them was made and quotes are not directly attributable to anyone.

The author has since secured a position in a well-known high-brow B2B fashion magazine.