It's Written In The Stars

Astrology
 
We  can all look forward to lots of luck at the end of the month according to one of Britain's top star gazers. Daily Mail newspaper astrologer Jonathan Cainer says.“Sometimes we get two new moons in the same sign, one at the beginning of the sign and another, 28 days later, at the end of it.'

 

 
Cainer adds: 'Because this is so rare, astrologers call these blue moons. Later this month we get the first of two such blue moons. A magical, wish-fulfilling phase is about to begin for us all.'

Popular  Interest is thriving in astrological predictions and personality analysis, based on the positions of the planets and other celestial bodies at the time of a person’s birth. This is in part reflected by the success of magazines titles like Spirit & Destiny (77,000 copies sold a month) which markets itself as a journal ‘for women who want the best possible future’.

Guardian newspaper columnist Jonathan Durden writes: “I predict that predictions will be a growing format within the media world. I believe there is a gap in the market, which is being created through our diet of instant gratification and the illusion of easily attainable celebrity”. Durden suggests that our thirst for ‘answers’ and greater meaning to our existence is a backlash against traditional religion and the “relentless force-feeding of insubstantial fodder”  such as TV’s Big Brother, Pop Idol, the Lottery and OK! magazine. 

Here, The-Latest ‘ takes a fun look at the nasty side of each Star Sign. We’ve mischievously matched some of the ‘horroscopes’ to well known politicians.

ARIES  March 21-April 19:
You're a tyrant, and that's one of your better qualities! You don't
finish anything you start. You're so damn competitive that even if
there's no competition you'll invent one in your head just so you can
say "See! I won! See how great I am?"
 
TAURUS April 20-May 20:
Famous figure British Prime Minister Tony Blair (born 6 May 1953)
Your jealousy and possessiveness gets old REAL quick! Nobody likes
you because all you talk about is yourself, and you're boring.
 
GEMINI  May 21-June 20:
Famous figure  British Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott (born 31 May 1938)
You're a flake and you're two-faced. You think the world owes you and
because of this attitude you'll be in debt the rest of your life. You
have no intention of growing up.
 
CANCER  June 21-July 22:
Famous figure American President George W Bush (born 6 July 1946)
You're a moody little bitch...and that goes especially for the men!
You can't give a straightforward answer. Stop your crying, you big
baby! Nobody cares!
 
LEO  July 23-August 22:
You're lazy and you expect everything to be handed to you on a silver
platter. You're always bitching about something. You need to be
knocked off the pedestal you put yourself on and realize the world does
not revolve around you!
 
VIRGO August 23-September 22:
You need to quit picking apart other people's flaws and worry about
your own. After all, nobody asked you! You put the "anal" in
"analytical." You're prude and prissy and you need to stop being so damn anal
retentive!
 
LIBRA September 23-October 22:
You're an airhead when it comes to money. You can't make a decision
and actually stick to it to save your life! You are gullible and naive
and don't learn from your mistakes. You don't care about anything and
you flirt too much.
 
SCORPIO October 23-November 21:
All you do is brood and lead a life of havoc. You like to choose
friends with low self-esteem that have more problems than you do. It
makes you feel powerful. So do your "strings attached" favours. You're
too secretive and demanding...and it pisses everyone off!
 
SAGITTARIUS  November 22-December 21:
All you do is drink and gamble. You have to rely on your luck because
you have no skills. Like Aries, you don't finish anything you start.
You can't commit to save your life! You suck.
 
CAPRICORN  December 22-January 19:
Why don't you stop trying to manage everyone else's life and worry
about your own! Your need to control and meddle in other people's
lives make you very unpopular.
 
AQUARIUS  January 20-February 18:
You're so busy being busy that you don't do anything effectively, and
your absent-mindedness doesn't help. Jack of all trades, Master of
none. Why don't you go buy yourself some feelings you tactless robot!
 
PISCES  February 19-March 20:
Famous figure Chancellor Of The Exchequer Gordon Brown (born 20 February 1951)
How about some cheese with that whine! You're a martyr in your own
delusional world. That could change if you only had an ounce of
ambition! You're probably already crying because you're too damn
sensitive.

Ouch! 

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