Savannah Miscellany 2

Tourist Information.

In one of the tourist information places in downtown Savannah there is a skeleton sat on a chair, fully-dressed, wearing a cap. With the one exception - ie. that he is a skeleton - he looks like any other American.  As I browse through the books, leaflets and tourist tat, I keep noticing him out of the corner of my eye.  I keep thinking that someone is watching me ... but it's just a stupid skeleton.

  Tourist Information II.

There's an information kiosk on one of the main streets. In this sits a gap-toothed, acne-ridden youngster. She is the keeper of all worldy knowledge, or at least of all Savannhian knowledge, which she refuses to impart to anyone else, no matter the cost.

  Ex-Libris - a bookshop.

At Ex-Libris, the SCAD bookshop (SCAD stands for Savannah College of Art of Design), a Scottish girl tells   me of her difficulty in usig her UK driving licence as ID. The US is obsessed with asking people their age. I think they put all the information in a very large  spread sheet and present it to their Mayor. Just last night, whilst in an Irish bar on  River Street,  I sat glugging down  Guinness whilst my friend was forced to drink coffee. He had forgotten his ID, and despite looking over 21 and actually holding a loyalty card for the very same establishment, he  was still refused alcohol.   

Back to the Scots' girl: She's trying to use her driving licence as Proof Of ID for a shop purchase. She hands the card over to the assistant. The assistant looks at it with disapproval. She says: "What's this?"

The Scots's girl says: "It's my driving licence."

"I ain't never seen one like this", the assistant retorts, turning her nose up at it: "What state you from?"

"I'm from Scotland - that's a UK driving licence you have there."

There's a long pause whilst this difficult information slowly sinks in.

And then the assistant says:

"What state's that in?"

  Effingham.

There is a place called Effingham just outside of Savannah. This is a place to which prolific users of offensive language are sent to have their expletives deleted.

  Walking.

Anything more than 50 metres away in Savannah must be reached by car. It is entirely unnatural to walk this distance. 2 miles? On foot? You must be kidding: No man is equipped to deal with that sort of distance. The levels of endurance and stamina required are more than Ernest Shackleton could ever dream of summing up.