Valentine's Day Grump.
Next Wednesday I am going to hibernate in a Scrooge-type fashion as Valentine's Day comes upon us. I shall hide from the lovey-dovey couples so delightfully exchanging saliva in public and read a book instead.
The idea has been hi-jacked. It is, after all, a nice idea; but, like Christmas, Easter, Mother's Day and all the others, it has been ruined by commercialism and marketing, simply confirming my (possibly cynical) notion there is no such thing as a special occasion. The year, you see, is not made of days: it is made of "Marketing Opportunities". Yes folks, the marketing men are there once again to ruin a nice idea. Bill Hicks would turn in his grave.
In fact, I'm getting so annoyed with V day that I've decided that it should be boycotted entirely, and a new day introduced instead. This would be a special day with a difference, for it would be any day of the year that you choose it to be. It would be known as "Not Valentine's Day". People could celebrate their relationships by taking their other halves out for "Not Valentine's Meals" and sending "Not Valentine's Flowers".
There is, of course, an added bonus because everybody would choose a different day to go out on, and so the restaurants, flower-sellers and so forth would be unable to keep their prices exorbitantly high (in that way that they do on Valentine's Day), and so you wouldn't have to ask for an advance on your inheritance, or have to re-mortgage your house just to have one night out.
This way not all the world and their dog would be out on the same evening.
Of course, if you do happen to see anyone out in a restaurant on Valentine's Day (or indeed anyday) wining and dining their pooch, then it really should be mentioned to an animal welfare charity and the person in question sectioned.
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